Message of Love

This is what I know is true.  

There is a God and he loves you.  

What you've heard before is not what God wanted you to hear;

Messages of condemnation, causing fear.

I've had enough of people giving me cardboard answers,

their lists of rules and regulations that cause in my heart a cancer. 

Jesus talked about people like them,

Looking perfect on the outside,  but inside, a building condemned.

I'm sad to say that for many years,

I believed all the lies, bought into all the fears.

I lived my life trying to be so perfect,

but on the inside I was sick.

Now I'm getting to know this God who loves me,

who delights to bring forth beauty from inside me.

He lifted from me this search for perfection,

And told me he loves me just as I am.

No more striving for acceptance from him.

I know he loves me in spite of my sins.

Now I feel him with me everyday,

even when I make so many mistakes, it's ok.

I'm sad to say that Christians have gotten it all wrong,

We've been singing the lyrics of a different song.

If we spoke first of how God loves everyone,

we might see this world transformed; but it won't come from obligation.

 God's message is one of grace and beauty.

Not a life of doing things solely out of duty,

But a life lived out in love

that comes from knowing the one who is love.

Miscommunication

Yesterday I was working with my six year old on his math homework.  My four year old was playing under the table where we were sitting.  We worked on perimeters and areas and then switched to talking about half numbers.  Like if you have twenty dogs and give half to a friend, how many do you give away?  One question said:  If you have a bag of fourteen candies and decide to give half to your brother, how many will you give him?  My four year old popped up from under the table very quickly looking for the bag of candies his brother was going to share with him!  Poor guy was pretty disappointed when he realized there were none.

Then today we were trying to find some new sneakers for the boys.  They wear them out SO fast!  I saw some soccer cleats and said to my husband:  Mira estos tacos.   Tacos are also the word used for soccer cleats.  I put them down and my four year old said, "Mommy, I wanted some tacos....tacos arabes!"  Tacos arabes are a kind of taco we have here!  Of course we headed on over to have tacos arabes.  Those are the only kind of tacos we bought today.

C'mon Rain!

I knew it was coming, this dry, clay-baking, scorching heat.  It comes every year.  Each day the heat builds and builds into the hazy sky until it just has to rain, but then doesn't.  Those teasing gray clouds blow over and we're left to wait out another suffocating night.  I know I'm being dramatic but I live in a nice concrete home that bakes in the sun all day long and I married a man who can't stand a breeze blowing in through the window.  I would sleep naked if I wasn't worried there might be an earthquake to shake things up in the middle of the night...imagine running out of your home naked to greet all the neighbors.  So, since I can't do that, (and even if I did it doesn't help all that much) you'd think I could just turn on a fan or open the window.  But you'd be wrong.  My dear husband's nose would run and he would catch a cold.  I don't think he realizes how much I love him.  Seriously, I hate being hot.  I would rather be in freezing weather.  I feel that the one biggest sacrifice I've made in this marriage is not moving away from family and friends to live in a foreign county....no, the one biggest sacrifice is my sweating it out every night until the weather changes.  I know in a month or so, the rains will come and once again I'll forget how sweaty I was.  But right now, smack in the middle of April, I am roasting. (And yes I know I'm exagerada :)

not a Mexican

I wanted to apply for dual citizenship this year.  I even got my birth certificate with the apostille on my visit to the States in December.  I have studied the questions they are supposed to ask about history and current events and the patriotic symbols of Mexico and the anthem and everything.   I have a list of all the requirements and really only need to make an appointment but I just keep dragging my feet.

Some people might wonder why I would even want dual citizenship.  One reason is the convenience of not having to stand in line at INM once a year...well more like twice, once to turn in paperwork and once to pick up my visa.  Another reason is how much money I'd save in the long run since it costs around 2800 pesos to renew it each year.  Plus if I do become a citizen I would be able to work without changing my status and paying more money.  Those reasons still don't seem like enough anymore.  For one reason, I think that after I've had the FM2 for five years I can quit showing up at INM unless I move or decide to leave the country permanently.  I think I would be considered a legal resident.

I used to think so ideally about becoming Mexican.  I wanted to have my credencial del IFE by 2012 so I could vote in the next presidential elections.   I was actually pretty excited about it.  Now I'm not as naïve.  I have friends who work for some higher up politicians, who have told me that the rumors and scandals we see on the news are just the tip of the iceberg and I don't think being able to vote is going to make much of a difference.  I feel angry about the injustices I see everyday, like people living in poverty while politicians continue to pay themselves the big bucks.  It makes me feel sick to think about what the minimum wage here is.  I think politicians should get minimum wage.  Servidor publico mis nalgas.  The only ones they are serving are themselves.

I have to reiterate that I really love Mexico, it's people, culture and beauty.  If I didn't I would not still be here. It's the broken system that I loathe.  It's the "me-first" mentality of those who have the most and only share with their buddies and get away with it. This is why at least 20 million Mexicans live in extreme poverty.  Believe me I could go on about the ruthless capitalism, broken judicial system (see Presunto Culpable) and crooked politicians but I'll stop because it just makes me angry.
·······································································································································
I started this post at the beginning of March and today I read another blog talking about some of these issues and I felt motivated to finish what I started.  After mulling this over for some time I've decided that for now I will not pursue dual citizenship.  Maybe someday I'll change my mind, but not right now.